Happy Relationships -
keeping the spark of love alive!
Happy relationships can be very hard to keep going! A large number of love relationships that started out to be wonderful at the beginning end up turning sour and either sadly come to an end, or both patners can become unhappy within the relationship, fall out of love and may blame each other for their own unhappiness!
So what is the key to a happy relationship?
Firstly the relationship you have with yourself is crucial to the happiness within the relationship! What is your relationship with your self like? Do you love yourself? or even like yourself?
I guess most people would say "sometimes" to that!
Like the old saying "Be what you want to attract" what ever you think or feel about your self is mirrored in your relationships with everyone! The
principle of attraction
is very exact!
"Be the change you wish to see"
Mahatma Gandhi
Photo courtesy of
Slettvet
Happy Relationships
We can't be loving and happy all the time - after all we are only human!!
But time spent on self improvement and personal development working on your own unconditional happiness will bring happiness into your relationships! ...... But what if my partner won't change or refuses to do any work on him/herself I hear you say! - that doesn't matter, because of the principle of cause and effect any positive change in you will affect them in a positive way and will be mirrored back to you.
Remember - thoughts words and deeds
And If they can't or won't respond to your change, then they really may not be right for you anyway! Consider moving on and find someone who matches your happy life and will contribute to your happiness and growth
Someone who is already happy and will not need you to make them happy!
Take responsibility for your own happiness!
A common mistake many of us often have within a relationship is that we think our partner is supposed to make us happy, but realistically nobody else can make you happy long term! You have to make yourself happy! It's a pretty tall order to expect, that it's someone else’s responsibility to make you happy isn't it? Of course the ideal scenario in a happy relationship is that because you both become happy - you both bring out more happiness in each other! Sometimes tricky I know, but not impossible and a good goal for you both to work towards!
Make your self happy - so you can share your happiness with your partner!
You get back whatever you give out!
Often 6 months to 18 months down the line (the Honeymoon period!) in a new relationship, familiarity, disregard and taking each other for granted can start to kick in - and respect goes out the window! This is the time though, when deep respect for each other becomes crucial, rather than seeing your partner just the way you see them, try and see them in the way the rest of the world sees them!
Make conscious efforts not to take your partner for granted! It's important to find respect for the real person though, not their behaviour which you may not like at all Look beyond the behaviour to the real person behind it. Remenber it is them who you fell in love with! and who may be suffering! That doesn’t mean that you don't respect your self though!
It's important to have your own clear boundaries of what is acceptable and what isn't, alongside compassion for your partner's suffering.
Happy relationships require hard work!
I highly recommended reading this book by Eckhart Tolle called 'A New Earth' Use the priniples he describes to understand yourself better! and threfore help make your relationships more harmonious .
I've found this book extremely helpful and insightful to really seeing yourself!
It helps you to become aware of your negative tendancies and how to stop repeating them, so you can begin to operate from a place of consciousness and not from your needy ego! (crucial to any happy relationship!)
"If you only read one book this decade make it this one!"
Eckhart Tolle has written many other very highly acclaimed books including 'The Power of Now' If you have read 'A New Earth' you will want to read this one too it's another must read both for becoming happy yourself and for guidance in creating happy relationships!
Trust is essential in any relationship This begins by first learning to trust yourself, then learning to be able to express your self and honestly share your feelings without the fear of being judged by your partner
Fun and
laughter
are essential in all happy relationships Have lots of fun together. Laughter in a relationship is very healthy, and a great way to deal with any tensions or disagreements!
Open communication and dialogue is crucial, talking periodically about what's going on in your life and your feelings about it, can help you both to achieve a greater understanding of each other and can help to keep you feeling bonded
Agree to differ
Accept that you are not always going to agree! It's likely you won't always have the same opinions as your partner, but it's really important for you both to learn to respect each others point of view, even though you don't agree with it.
Agreeing to disagree is a good way to stay friends!
Embrace the differences between you, this can really help strengthen your relationship! It would be pretty boring if we were all the same and all agreed on everything!
Give your self and your partner space!
Don't lose yourself in a relationship! spending enough time together is important - but it's equally important to spend time alone and with your friends or pursuing your own interests. This can help you to keep you in touch with who you are and expand your life apart from the relationship! which can only add richness and interest to your relationship when you do spend time together.
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